Wedding Seating Etiquette

PUTTING TOGETHER A WEDDING SEATING ARRANGEMENT

Also see planning a wedding

If you are having a small wedding reception, you may not think you need a wedding seating plan.  For larger numbers, or a sit down meal, both you and your guests should consider  putting together a wedding seating arrangement for that you can observe proper wedding seating etiquette. 

Your guests will be spared from trying to find a seat at a table with their friends and family and you will be able to seat guests where they’ll be happiest.  The wedding meal may last for two to three hours and is an important part of the wedding day.  It will make a big difference to your guests' overall enjoyment if they are sitting with people they get along with.

Wedding Seating Plan Options

1.  Have no plan at all – this is okay for stand up buffets or small and informal events
2.   Assign your guests to tables – you assign your guests to tables but the choice of seats is up to them
3.   Assign your guests to seats – you pick the seats where each guest will sit


Assigning The Top Table

The traditional top table wedding seating arrangement is:

Chief Bridesmaid – Groom's Father – Bride's Mother -Groom - Bride - Bride's Father - Groom's Mother - Best Man

You are not bound by tradition - you can choose other arrangements if you like - for instance, if parents have split up and are with a new partner.  In addition, you may want to pass on having a top table and instead have a romantic table for two, or decide to sit with other friends and family.  Remember, wedding seating etiquette is not set in stone.

Seating Tips for Other Tables

1. Seating your guests at tables with just one family group will let them feel comfortable. but it will likely cause a lack of mingling and separate groups hovering together and ignoring other guests. In contrast, a table where no one knows anyone else will be uncomfortable for many of your guests.  Ideally, you should attempt to arrange a mix of guests at each table so that everyone knows a few people.  Think about the ages and interests of your guests so that  you can make sure that each table is likely to get along and have fun.

2. Where to sit singles is something you should consider as well.  While you might want to try to do some matchmaking,  this could backfire and make your single guests uncomfortable.  You should try to avoid a singles table if possible.

3. If you are using round tables, the rule of thumb is to assign seats for males and females alternately around the table.  If you are using long tables, try to seat couples opposite one another and then alternate male and females along the table.

4. The tables closest to the bride and groom should be assigned to the closest friends and family.

5. Assign each table a name or number.  You should consider having themes for the table names -  for example the names could be people, places, or objects that mean something to you to you as a couple.  Most importantly, theme names remove the perceived hierarchy of tables.  In order for you wedding guests to easily find their table, you should have a name card for each table created.

6. Create name place cards if you are assigning wedding guests to specific seats.  On these cards you could also show any menu choices or indicate who your vegetarian guests are.  The servers  will really appreciate this and it allow them to provide better service without mistakes.  Also, you should provide a copy of your wedding seating plan to the venue so that they can see where people should be seated.

Creating the Wedding Seating Plan

Start putting together your wedding seating arrangement early.  As most of your close friends and family will be attending, you can start doing this before all your RSVPs have come in even if they haven’t formally replied yet.

To start creating your plan, obtain a general idea from the wedding venue whether you’ll be using round or long tables or a mixture of both, how the tables will be arranged, and decide how many people you can comfortably sit at each table.

Arranging the plan can take a quite a long time and likely will require many revisions.  Some couples cut up pieces of paper when doing this for each guest and table and use these to try out different layouts.  Today there is software that is available to make the task simpler.  Consider getting this wedding seating planning software so that you can save you not only hours of your time but also reduce the stress of planning your wedding day.